Thursday, April 5, 2012

How NOT to be a Good Parent 002

Reflecting upon this last week, I would be willing to say that starting a how NOT to parent blog series is a great way to become a good parent. I've been so self-conscious, afraid I'd end up a victim of my own blog. And, despite what I told several families at my church, I will try to only post about my own experiences and not, oh, say yours. Or yours. Or that guy over there who let his children climb over the do not cross fences at the edge of the largest waterfall in the southeast.

So, today I am going to pull from my own experiences of being parented. Sorry Mom and Dad, but no one's perfect (although you did give it your best and I turned out ok...right?) It's taken me a while to come up with this post, but I think it's definitely the post for today.

1. Do not judo-chop your son when he comes to you in the night after waking up from a nightmare. 

Hmm...where do I begin with this one. Ah, with Walker, Texas Ranger. Growing up, that was my parents' favorite Saturday night tv show. They (and I) loved Walker. I can still hum the theme song and sing all the words (though not at the same time. It's very hard to hum and sing together.)

However, one Saturday night I, as a small child of at least six no more than eight, I approached my parents' bed after waking from a nightmare that was probably induced by the episode of Walker, Texas Ranger we'd been watching earlier. I stood in the blue-lit midnight darkness by my mother's bedside and called,

"Mama. Mama."

To which her reply was to judo-chop me across the bridge of my nose and send me sprawling backward onto the floor.

Looking back at this situation, I suppose this post could be entitled "Do Not Watch Walker Texas Ranger as a Family Unit." I will say that I recovered, and have since forgiven my mother, but judo-chopping your kids is a sure-fire way to NOT be a good parent.


  1. I think most moms have hit their kids (on accident) because the kid came up to them at night...I remember hiding behind our grill, meowing like a kitten trying to scare my mom. She walked on and then I followed her. When she did turn around I had three blows at my chest before she realized it was me. ~Michelle

  2. Bahahahahaha classic! Poor mom, she thought you were an intruder lol. Heres one fkr next week. Do not offer to carry your chilld up table rock if you can't see your feet, trip and fall on top of the kid. Oh, how about when your daughter cries bc she just fell and broke her arm don't not believe get or tell her to such it up and take it like a man

    1. Oh I'll keep those in mind. However, they did not happen to me...

  3. Oh thank the Lord we didn't end up on your blog this week. I just knew I'd open this to find a segment titled "you know you're a redneck parent if your kid...." Thank you for celebrating Easter a little early by showing a friend some mercy.

  4. Hi, Kevin. I'm a fellow Platformer. Your post encouraged me (and made me laugh) as a mom of two young kids. My parents loved Norris, too. In fact, we watched kung fu movies for family bonding.
    People do odd things when they're half-awake. My husband smacked me (twice), thinking I was a bug. I also had a friend whose wife, dreaming of food, bit his back.

  5. Hi Kevin! Muddy here from the Not Bob April Platform Challenge. I love the honesty & the courage you have to spin a parenting blog into what NOT to do! I'm sure all of us parents have plenty of examples of this. Honestly, I can't believe some of the things that come out of my mouth! I have to go back and say "Did I really just say that? Back pedal, and quickly!" Thank goodness I'm not being filmed daily for a reality TV show!

  6. Thanks everyone, especially those from the Platform challenge! It's such a difficult task to speak honestly about parenting screw ups. Thanks for your support!